October 2019

I II

There are these goblins within me, who caution me to be suspicious of anything that feels good in the moment, lest it turn out to be detrimental over a sufficiently long period of time. Some things which are immediately compelling have indeed shown themselves to be problematic over time, and in these cases the goblins are seen as trusted advisers. Some things which feel good in the short term also reveal themselves to be good in the long term, and here the goblins are largely silenced. It's in all of these situations where the long-term potential of a particular action remains ambiguous, that the goblins become creatures of pure frustration, never laying down a firm arguement, never having the decency to leave me in peace. When in doubt, choose discipline over the momentary whimsy. The whimsy may have been harmless, but increased self-control is useful in any scenario. This line of thinking may not hold water, if it turns out that life is largely intended for the experience of passing whimsies. There's no secret process to doing anything. Just do it. In the doing you create the process. I wonder if I sound as much like a mindless animal as you do, when I'm having fun. The only thing worse that sacrificing time to an activity that is bad for you, is sacrificing time to worrying about it. Often it is the case that you will only come to associate positive feelings towards having accomplished some difficult task long after the act itself has passed.

Be cautious when attempting to raise the spirits of the world-weary. At best you'll make them envy you. At worst they'll make you empathize with them. Rather than making yourself of service to those who are most pitiful, consider making yourself of service to those who impress you the most. Reading comments on pornographic videos feels like watching mold overtake a piece of food. Graph proposal: x-axis is the degree to which an individual consciously understands or chooses to act out the existing social order. Y-axis is the degree to which the individual desires to take part in the existing social order. Going clockwise from top-left we have someone who wants desperately to integrate into society but feels unable to do so (the frustrated social reject, the oddball who resents the fact he isn't more appreciated), someone who "plays the game" with the intention of experiencing personal gain or moving his projects forward, someone who stoically engages with society out of a sense of duty while internally putting little importance on it, and finally someone who withdraws from society as much as possible in order to pursue their own projects.