June 2019


You gain so much social mileage just by coming across as energetic & confident & fully engaged in the present interaction. You can shit all over those who aren't around, and still be seen as a real swell guy. You can say nothing particularly of note, and still be seen as a creative individual with interesting opinions. You can say whatever you want, and have it be considered generally-accepted truths. You can get people to do things for you, at least for a little while. All you have to do is be loud & unreflective. The fatal flaw in most popular guides to winning friends & influencing people is the implicit devaluing of any insights you may gain by being idiosyncratic & avoiding society. Soon enough the things that you are working so hard to develop & maintain will be like second nature to you, and you will tire of them, and seek out new pursuits. The real test, when choosing to abstain from something you very much desire, is to not correct those who assume that your abstinence indicates that you have no interest in it.

Don't be tricked by feelings of nostalgia for a time when you were still ignorant of your own weaknesses. You can't go back. If you try, you'll only be reminded why you got off the ride in the first place. I've attempted to study the degenerate from an anthropological perspective, and this has only ever led to my own degeneration. If your primary reason for doing something is "to have a good time", you will surely be frustrated. Any genuinely good time I've ever experienced washed over me unexpectedly, like a great shamanic wave. Never keep a potential problem around, just because it hasn't hurt you yet. Render your daily affairs so incredibly dull that you finally approach that which you're most afraid of, just for a change of pace. Remove any stimulation that isn't making your life better. Be extremely cautious around anyone who seems to have your self-interest as their own primary self-interest. Mostly I just want to look like I give a fuck. Don't worry. The confident, square-jaw man on the internet telling you how to get your shit together knows just as much about the spirit of the warrior as you do. Or as an iPhone does. Or a glazed doughnut. Or any other commodity in this godless hellscape.

Society is constantly conditioning you to value various quantifiable forms of social capital above all else. Your ultimate desire within this system is to score points - points which are rewarded for successfully becoming connective tissue in the greater superstructure, or more specifically connective tissue which emanates aesthetic appeal to everyone around. I'm wary of any sort of social propaganda that encourages me to go without sleep as a means of increasing productivity. Sleep is a raw, mystical, animalistic, boundary dissolving force which continuously imposes itself upon waking reality, which refuses to bow before any attempts of the material plane to bring it under the yoke of structure. To sever your connection with sleep, is to sever your connection to formless expanse from which all things emerge. Self-actualization doesn't have to mean becoming fashionable, socialable, always cheerful, always productive. There is an infinity of valid, vibrant experience to be discovered in misery, in isolation, in shadows, in dissolving.